THE MANLIEST TANKING GUIDE

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THE MANLIEST TANKING GUIDE

Post  Naya on Mon Aug 19, 2013 6:56 pm

Hello friends, and welcome to THE MANLIEST TANKING - a guide designed to help you tank in the manliest way possible. I will briefly explain the intricacies of manly tanking, and how one can achieve success in the ways of THE MANLIEST TANKING.

Supplies

First you will need a few odds and ends before you begin:

- beer
- meat
- bench press
- beer
- a warrior beard

First you will drink beers. Beers are delicious, and will help in raising your voice when your teammates fail. Drinking copious amounts will cause super powers in babies. Beers.

Meat is a vital part of THE MANLIEST TANKING. Meat is also delicious, and will serve as your primary source of nourishment and chest hair growth. Try garlic powder for added effect!

Also while partaking in THE MANLIEST TANKING you will be required to bench press 250 lbs while tanking raids/heroics. 3 sets at 12 reps.


Get PUMPED

Now that you're ready for THE MANLIEST TANKING, it's time to get pumped. You may get pumped by drinking many beers as mentioned above, punching a concrete wall until it or you disintegrates, or by driving at a high speed with your eyes closed down a busy street. Once you are pumped up enough you may begin by queuing for an instance! A manly instance.


Instance Tanking

Now that you've queued and instantly found a group, start drinking beers until you see double and have a bite of meat. After spamming every group member with BUFF PLOX 100 times go and do some bench pressing until an hour later when they finally do buff.

Start pulling mobs as normal, but try to aggro everything in the room, just because you can. Be sure to macro /point and /laugh to nearby buttons, as you will be using these often. /flex is also a hilarious/deadly hot key to have macro'd to your immediate toolbar as well. After you pulled the entire room and watched the DPS die to silly things like neglectful tanking and drunkeness, wait another hour for your team to run back. Don't wait for mana or buffs this time, just keep pulling to show them that you know THE MANLIEST TANKING.


Wipes and Who to Blame

Due to the large amounts of beer required for this style of tanking, wipes will be frequent. This is a good time to use your /point and /laugh macros. It's always safe to blame the healer, since healers aren't real people anyway. Also safe to blame is that DPS who kepz typin liek dis lolz. However, with THE MANLIEST TANKING you should be top DPS by at least 40% party damage anyway, so most of the DPS is just utterly useless. Keep drinking and /flexing until the instance is done or everyone leaves. Either way it's mission accomplished.


The Manliest Rotation

Standard manly tanking rotation is as follows:

Charge > Shield Slam > Devestates > walk away from computer and slam out another 3 sets of bench press > drink beers > more bench press > Shockwave/TC as needed. Alternatively, you may also smash your entire face and/or forehead into the keyboard, thus proc'ing RL bloodrage (results may vary).

For boss fights please follow this set up:

Charge > /y GIT SUM! /y GIT SUM! /y GIT SUM! /y WOOOO! /flex. This will ensure that the boss has plenty of threat on you, and you haven't even hit him yet! Infact, just keep yelling at the boss until he explodes. If this doesn't work (ie if the boss is immune) your DPS and healers will die resulting in a wipe. See above for dealing with wipes and how to lay blame.


Final Thoughts

While THE MANLIEST TANKING is being used it's important to just be YOU. Unless you're not a manly man, in which case you need to roll a Paladin and go drink some tea. But because we're using THE MANLIEST TANKING, you must remember to always pick fights with mobs bigger than you, and to routinely work out your chest for optimal firming and strengthing purposes. Until you can bench press a dump truck (like me) while playing WoW, keep practicing, and drink plenty of beers.

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Nayala - Death Knight - DPS/PvP
Nayail - Druid - Healer
Nayalia - Warrior - Tank - JC
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Re: THE MANLIEST TANKING GUIDE

Post  Eltorak on Tue Aug 27, 2013 8:00 pm

ohh so this is why my 3,9k gs war failed in tanking icc...
Great guide Naya I will try to use it from now on xD
An alternative would be:
Look in LFG for these signs:
"LFG ned 1 heler, 1 tank 3 dps all 8/10 goooooo"
Sign up to that group
Follow the above.
Them try or don't, Either way it's mission
accomplished.

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Less girls, more DPS!
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